Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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