I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
