I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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