oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
