WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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