I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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