I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
