After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
my liver is dry heaving
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
