Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
