i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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