theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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