WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
