take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
