I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
