like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
