Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
