Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drake has all the answers
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