i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
