Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
