Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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