your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
