mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
