You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
