My room smells like vodka and shame
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
