P.S. I can't hear my feet
my being single is dangerous.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
