so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
