Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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