I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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