Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
