dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
