I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
