my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
