I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
