Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
