I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
