I want to have your abortion
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
