I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
