R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im drinking this country out of the recession.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
