you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i've created a new STD.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
