Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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