remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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