i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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