woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
