He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drake has all the answers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
