I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so let's talk penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
