I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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