why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
