The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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