**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
