Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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