No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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