What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
