other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
