just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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