I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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