There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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