I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
